Over the past 24 hours, external factors - specifically, the measures taken by our National Security Council - have stirred up a deep sense of frustration and anger within me, which led me to post my dissatisfaction on my personal page, though this did nothing to calm my emotions.
I therefore decided to analyse why I had reacted in this way.
We are all guided by our own value systems. Consequently, values are not necessarily the same from one person to another.
From a personal perspective, I place great importance on empathy, mutual aid and supporting others, fairness and justice - criteria very often found in many highly sensitive people.
As such, emotions, whatever they may be, are all positive. They are, in fact, a warning signal, an expression of a lack of respect for, or a breach of, one or more of our core values.
The way in which we express our emotions, however, can be more or less positive or negative.
Indeed, if the behaviours that stem from our emotions do not serve our interests and run counter to our values, it is these behaviours that should be viewed as negative, not our emotions.
Let’s return to the analysis of my personal experience.
On analysing the situation, two of the decisions taken yesterday frustrated me in particular, namely:
- Closing small, so-called “non-essential” shops and the requirement to work from home.
- Limiting funerals to 15 people,
Explanations:
First case.
The facts.
The profession of coach, as was the case in the past with psychologists, is not yet officially recognised. Consequently, coaching activities are not recognised as essential. However, those who have already experienced coaching with trained and certified professionals are all in agreement. Coaching has very positive benefits for many people experiencing emotional distress. This emotional distress can be particularly acute in situations of (health) crisis, stress, financial difficulties or other challenges in various areas of personal, family, social and professional life.
Although I can coach remotely - as I have been doing for many months with clients I have already met - I prefer to prioritise face-to-face communication during an initial consultation. This meeting allows me, more easily than remotely, to be fully attentive and receptive to everything the person communicates to me, whether through their words, their posture, their body language or their energy.
This initial face-to-face meeting also enables me to reassure the person seeking coaching and to dispel a false and limiting belief that is very often held by these clients: “Someone who seeks coaching is a weak person”.
No, no, no - quite the opposite: “Someone who seeks coaching is a strong person.”
Indeed, they have very often overcome their fears and apprehensions to make an appointment and discuss their situation. They have made the greatest effort to change what they no longer want, to take action and move towards their goal.
There’s no need to add extra stress for these people, who may not be very familiar with online communication tools.
Analysis.
The decision to close small, so-called “non-essential” shops therefore goes against my values:
- Mutual aid and the support I can offer to those in need,
- Of empathy and a sense of injustice towards all shopkeepers deprived of their source of income and who may not be lucky enough to benefit from the “bridging right” or have any savings.
The failure to respect these values has made me angry
Second case.
The facts.
When you are a parent, you love to share in your children’s sorrows and joys, offering them your support. Separated from their mum, my children live with her. A few days ago, their maternal grandfather died in intensive care from Covid-19 without them being able to see him to say goodbye. As the number of people allowed at funerals is now limited, I will unfortunately not be able to be there by their side to show them my love.
Analysis.
The decision to limit funerals to 15 people therefore goes against my values of empathy, fairness and support, and has only served to heighten my anger.
What can we learn, from a general perspective, from this personal experience?
An external event that we cannot control
and that does not respect one of our values
can provoke an emotion in us,
often expressed through behaviours
that may work against our own interests and values
What can we do when faced with such a situation?
We can only act on what we can control. So I decided to focus on the one thing I could control: myself.
I decided to change my surroundings, to leave behind the anxiety-inducing atmosphere constantly perpetuated by the media. I put on my trainers to go for a run outdoors, in the fresh air, to boost my immunity whilst making the most of this wonderful, sunny autumn day.
I then decided to channel this anger - which, on the face of it, was negative - into positive energy to increase my running pace….
The result was rather interesting, as, quite apart from achieving a very good personal best in this impromptu half-marathon, I used the moment to reflect on the issue I’d been facing and what I could take away from the experience…
These reflections proved beneficial, and I’d like to share with you those relating to my coaching work.
- As the National Security Council allows outdoor activities with a maximum of four people, whilst observing the usual precautions, I decided - as had been suggested to me, though I hadn’t really considered it - to conduct my first coaching sessions with a client whilst out walking in the countryside,
- I decided to raise awareness of my solidarity-based coaching services, which enable people experiencing emotional and financial hardship to benefit from support at a reduced rate and, in the context of suffering linked to the health crisis, to receive a free session.
- I decided to share this personal experience with as many people as possible, and so here is an article which I hope will offer you some possible solutions should an external factor disrupt your inner state.
Do these decisions now allow me to act in line with my values? Yes!
Has my state of mind changed, and am I now more at peace? Yes!
In conclusion,
In this experience, linked to the current health situation, I couldn’t control the lockdown, the curfew or the decisions that were made.
I was angry about an external event that I had no control over and which did not align with my values.
I took action on myself: on my environment, my behaviour and my internal representations.
These changes led to a shift in my state of mind, and I immediately felt much better and more at peace.
If I can change my inner state and turn a frustrating situation into a positive one, as I’ve just shared with you, why shouldn’t you be able to do the same?
Would you like some support with this process? Please get in touch with me.
Please continue to look after yourselves and your loved ones.
See you very soon,